


I'm Sorry

by FallenDarkness



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 13:12:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1070846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenDarkness/pseuds/FallenDarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Time when Jacob recieves the wedding invitation and runs away. Jacob wanted the hurting to end, to stop being someones second best. Will he ever find out he's someones first and only? or will they not make it in time? When "i'm sorry" doesn't fix a broken heart, what does?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the beginning of the story, how i felt it should have gone. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

I opened the letter with my name in perfect, concise and practiced cursive on the front. My heartbeat starts to escalate; my hands start to perspire in anxiousness as the first two words draw my eye, the words 'I'm sorry'. The words frequently spoken from her lips, words that hadn't made much of a difference but now, had taken my heart from me; My way of life, my happiness, and breath taken from such trivial words but still detrimental to me in every way.

"Jacob?" Billy wheeled into the living room to see me storm from the house "Jacob! Are you-"I no longer hear him as I phase and charge into the woods. Whimpering and snarling as I weaved, ducked and dodged my way through the trees and branches.

'How could she do this to me? I thought we were….' I trailed off 'nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing.' Breaking through the tree line I made it to the bluff I frequently vacated for thinking 'what is wrong with me?' I sit and stare at my hands in disgust 'was I, am I not good enough to be cared for like that?' I balled up my hands and punched the dewed grass in frustration. I flinched a quickly dressed into my shorts when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to the newcomer.

"How did you find me?" I growled out attempting to hide my weakened state

"Followed your scent" he shrugged and sat next to me. I looked at him skepticly.

"what do you want?"

"to see if youre alright"

"youre full of shit" I glared at him "what the real reason paul" he winced

"guess I deserve that" paul slowly inclined his head to meet my eyes

"so, what is it? Just wanted to see me cry so I can poke fun?" I looked away "go ahead, doesn't matter anymore" I mumbled

Paul said and gently pulled my head back to face him "I do care about you you know?" I scoff "I do, more, more than I should" my eyes widen a little

"what the hell are you talking about?"

"im saying," he took a deep breath and let Jacob go "I like you, I guess"

My jaw opened in mild surprise "paul, I…What," I looked away from his face "what are you saying?" I heard and felt him shift beside me, facing my side. He gently held my chin and turned my face to his.

"I like you, Jake" he let out a labored sigh "maybe even-" I interrupted him and a mistake I knew he was going to make.

"Don't"

"But it's true, I may-"

"I said don't"

"Jake, I lo-"

"Goddammit Paul!" I pushed him away and stood glaring at him "don't say it, you can't say it, because one you don't know much about me and if someone tells me that they, they don't mean it" I sighed "at least, not the way I want some people to mean it." I turned away holding back a tear " no one likes me that way I want, the way I deserve to be. That word that you wanna just throw out so badly hardly means anything to me now. It's been used so much over the past two years and it's lost the meaning. It's just a word" I felt warm, muscular arms wrap around my waist but I was too emotionally and physically tired to move the arm and hit him.

"So because of one person, one girl, you feel like you're unlovable?" Paul whispered into my ear while he laid his chin on my shoulder "that's bullshit, I don't see or understand why she had such a big hold on you. Out of all of us you knew more than anyone how she felt about Cullen so why?" I stayed silent unable to come up with a decent excuse "but I'm glad she did sent you that invitation" I growled at him and tried to pry his caramel colored arms off of me, to no avail.

"And why is that?"

"It'll give you a chance to move on from her and onto better things and people" I snorted

"And who's that? You?" he snuggled deeper into my neck inhaling my scent

"Of course" I sighed and finally got him to let go of me. I turned to his smirking face.

"Look, Paul I can't- being gay isn't-" I stuttered before taking a calming breath "I can't just flip a switch and become gay Paul, it doesn't work like that" he nodded the smirk slowly turning into a frown

"I know that, but I'm going to try anyway, like I said I lo-"he caught himself "I like you"

"Paul, just-"I sighed "maybe it would actually work out, if you went after some other guy or girl or whatever. Just not me. I'm not, I don't know if I could be that someone for you is all."

"Jake, I don't want anyone else" I looked at the grassy ground of the cliff "I want you, and I'm aware that you may not like me back but," I pulled my chin up to look at him "don't doubt that you can't be my somebody because everything about you that I do know I like and admire so damn much." I looked away again "what are you afraid of?"

"Nothing! I'm not afraid of anything!" silence followed my outburst. The sound of water hitting the rocks, below the cliff we were standing on, was suddenly louder than it was when we first arrived. The sound was disturbed when Paul cleared his throat.

"Ok Jake, let's just go back to your house, your dad must be wheeling a hole in the ground by now" by how he said it I knew he knew I was full of shit. I slowly nodded and fell into step with him toward my house. What was I afraid of? As we walked through the woods Paul began to tell me things I didn't know about him. Like his favorite color was brown and he hates certain foods. Somewhere in the conversation I had zoned out into my own little world. Even though we're in the same pack we never really talked much, maybe the occasional 'hello' or 'how are you'. At the cliffs was the most we've ever said to one another which brought on the question 'how can he like me if he doesn't even really know me?' he says all the things he does know he likes but what exactly? Or was he just trying to get under my skin like he does the rest of the pack? But the last one didn't really make much sense when he's not such an ass to me as he is to everyone else.

"Are you even listening?" I shook my head and smiled softly

"Sorry, just was deep in thought" he ran ahead of me and began to walk backwards so he could face me.

"What were you thinking of? He winced when he stepped on a sharp twig on the dirt path. "Just some stuff" he nodded his head. His eyes darting from the corner of his eye to me then another direction.

"'Bella stuff'?" I bit my lip 'should I tell him the truth?'

"No, different stuff" Paul's eyes quickly flicked to mine, a flash of hope slightly brightened his brown eyes.

"Then what stuff?"

"nun-ya" he laughed and grinned at me making me grin back involuntarily.

"fine, fine I'll give you your thinking room" he tripped over a fallen log and pulled me down with him when I reached out to help him. After our fall I felt the two of us chest to chest, Paul's arms again wrapped around me and my face in the crook of his neck. I inhaled and smelled Paul's musky scent and groaned quietly at the delicious smell. I felt Paul's arms tighten around my waist. We just laid there, neither of us moving an inch except for breathing. I felt bad that I was possibly leading him on, thinking that 'he' and 'me' could become a 'we' like Bella did to me. But I couldn't bring myself to move away from the comfort he was giving, it showed me he does care about me. It's a lot to interpret from a simple hug but it's how he's holding me now and how he isn't an ass to me like he is to the pack and random others. But that's never stopped me from thinking at any moment he could change and become one toward me, that's why I barley spoke to him and avoided him mostly. I couldn't deal with the stress that is the pack Bella and an asshole Paul.

"Jake, are you okay?" o nodded not moving my face from his neck "will you try?" I brought my face from his neck to give him a confused look. "nothing, never mind just lay down and take a nap, I know you haven't been sleeping much lately and I can take you home later or protect you from some random leech." I looked at his blushing face and watched as his eyes looked everywhere but at me.

"I'll try" I laid my head under his chin and knew that he was smiling. I smiled too when I felt his hands massaging my lower back making me relax and drift off into a much needed rest.


	2. A retry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to try to develop. Trust and even some insecurity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like the first chapter was moving really fast so im gonna slow this down (or try)
> 
> Enjoy :)

When I woke up I wasn't in Paul's arms any more, the only thing around me was a comforter that didn't belong to me along with the bed and pillow I was drooling all over. I flushed, and crept out of the bed to find out where I actually was. I poked my head out of the doorway and smelled bacon and pancakes from downstairs. I moved down the stairs and looked in the kitchen to see Paul moving around with a smile on his face making food. I blinked surprised, sat on a kitchen stool, and silently watched him as he bustled around the kitchen the smile intact even after he had almost chopped off a finger when he was cutting fruit. Once he had everything plated and ready he turned, about to make his way up to get me I assumed, before yelping and jumping back in surprise clutching his chest where his heart laid.

"Scared the shit outta me, Jake" he said somewhat still breathless and I laughed.

"I could tell" I got up and went to go look over the food and see if he had made anything prior to my sneaking out to watch him cook. Paul stood behind me and was about to wrap his arms around my waist in a loving gesture before he had realized that we weren't a couple yet and I wasn't even sure that we would work out as such. When he retracted his arms without touching me, I inwardly sighed in relief that I wouldn't have to tell him to move his arms and risk the look on his face. I turned around to tell him that I was sorry but the same smile from earlier was plastered on his face and he shook his head, silencing my apology. He and I both grabbed the food and had set the different dishes on the table, once we were settled and we were deciding on what to eat I spoke up.

"I didn't know you could cook hell I don't even think I've been in your house before" he nodded.

"I tend to like my privacy so don't start telling people where I live," we shared a laugh "but yeah, I mean I live by myself gotta feed myself too duh" I stuck my tongue out oat his grinning face. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it and smiled back before taking a bite of a fluffy fruit filled pancake and gasped after I swallowed it. "Is it ok? Did I burn it? I can make you another one if you want," I stared at him then the plate and back at him wide eyed "you're kinda freaking me out Jake."

"Who taught you how to cook?" he furrowed his brows in confusion.

"I taught myself, again, why?"

"I think," I swallowed another bite of the heavenly pancake "you cook better than Emily" I looked up just in time to see him blush and look away and shifting in his seat. I got back to my food and had finished six more pancakes along with twenty strips of finely cook thin pieces of bacon and soft juicy sausages. I stopped eating when I noticed Paul just looking at me the blush still there; I tilted my head in a confused fashion until I actually remembered what I did whenever I had such delicious food as this. I swallowed down a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and turned back to Paul, a deeper blush on my face giving me a slight headache from the amount of blood cells. "I'm sorry," I said nervously. Paul cleared his throat and shook his head looking down at his half-eaten food.

"It-it's uhh fine, glad to know it's uh good and, yeah" he finished awkwardly. We sat in silence with me staring at my empty plate and Paul looking at me every so often before he slid his pancake on to my plate. I looked up at him in surprise because Paul never shared food, with anyone, and he just smiled back before taking his empty plate into the kitchen. I ate the given pancake, careful not to make any noise and took my plate silently into the kitchen to put it in the sink. When I walked in I saw Paul washing his dish and a few others somehow getting water spots on the front of his shirt and some suds in his black hair. He turned toward me and gave me a brief grin before continuing, I gave him my dish and watched him get even more water everywhere before I stepped in telling him to go change. By the time I was done, he had come back down the stairs he was dressed in black jean shorts with a form fitting green tee shirt.

"Hey, Paul," he looked up from the refrigerator door "my dad knows I'm here right?" hit bit his lip before nodding.

"I told him you needed to cool off and you said that you needed time away from home to do it" I slowly nodded and bit the inside of my cheek when id realized he was still staring.

"Do I have something on my face?" he shut the door still biting his lip he started walking closer "Paul?" he stopped in front of me his eyes were dark with some sort of turmoil.

"Is it bad that, even though I know you aren't completely into this or me, hell if the thought of us, that" I paused and released a breath "I want to kiss you?" I stood frozen at his question. My first thought, run, run and not talk to him for a long while but I couldn't do that to him I couldn't just hurt him like that. My second thought was to tell him that it made me uncomfortable and that I still was really sure he really liked me. However, if I did kiss him then it would tell him that I was willing to attempt to believe in what he wants us to have together, although I did tell him I would try, words were words and they meant nothing unless there was an action willing to back it up. Paul must have really taken into account what he'd said and immediately backed up regret written on his face "sorry, sorry I didn't" he stopped then turned around and left the house out the back door leaving me alone. I leaned against the countertop very much confused about my own thoughts of actually kissing him. The vibrating in my pocket broke me out of my thoughts and I took my cell phone from my pocket to see that Embry was calling me.

"What?" Embry scoffed

"That's it? No 'hey Embry' or a 'hey my greatest friend ever'" I snorted.

"Again, What?"

"Fine, whatever, anyway where are you? Jared is dragging all the guys out tonight" I eyed the door Paul had left through.

"Where?"

"Some club in port Angeles that caters to all" I looked at the phone in confusion before putting it back to my ear.

"Caters to all? What does that mean?" Embry laughed.

"It's an all orientation club Jake, you need to get out more," Embry continued laughing for a bit after.

"Oh, yeah sure I guess I'll go"

"Good, now where are you"

"Why"

"Cause' I came to your house to come get you but you weren't here" I looked at the window and saw the sun was still shining so I couldn't have been anywhere past 11.

"Nowhere, I'll meet you at Quil's" I said walking toward the back door.

"Fine Mr. Secrets I can take a hint, later" he hung up soon after. I closed the phone, walked out the back, and found Paul sitting on a tree stump facing the forest line. I approached him cautiously, for what reason I'm not sure, and took a seat next to him.

"Jared already called me and told me," I nodded and sat staring at the ground then I looked at his face.

"Are you okay?" Paul snorted.

"I should be asking you that Jake, it's a surprise you haven't run away from me yet" I didn't tell him that when he asked me that question I did in fact want to run.

"Paul I want to like you, maybe in the future I will, but now," Paul finally turned his head to face me and he placed his hand on top of mine.

"I'm not going to force you, and I think I know why you're afraid," he held up his other hand to silence me "it's because we don't really know much about each other right? Except what I told you and the basics?" I nodded "and you're wondering why I like you?" I nodded again "well, I'll tell you, I like you because you're emotional I can pick out everything you're feeling just from your eyes. It shows you care about anything enough to wear your heart on your sleeve when I can't. The Paul you see now, is the Paul I want to be, but in the real world this," he pointed at himself "isn't exactly accepted. The only way to get what you want is to take it and I can't do it with my emotions like you can. I like you because of how mature you've become in the past year and a half. Even though in the beginning you hated being a shifter but since then you've learned to embrace that part of you and are to possibly become the alpha when you're ready. It may sound like I just want into your pants but I don't, I want," he stopped and briefly looked away. He looked back at me with foreign emotions like compassion and respect flashed in his eyes "I want whatever you're willing to give whether it be a friend or a lover" I wanted to believe him but there was the one thing still holding me back that I knew he wouldn't be able to fight.

"What if you find you're imprint? Where would that leave me Paul? I don't," I looked away and tried to swallow the lump in my throat "if I started to love you then you left me for some else, I don't know if I could handle it" Paul's arms encircled my waist finally, he lifted me up and sat me in between his legs.

"you'll never have to worry about that" I was going to ask what he meant until his phone started to ring. "What do you want?" he answered gruffly. "I'm busy, no Jared, I said, whatever ill meet you there in 20 minutes bye" he sighed blowing my hair before laying his chin on my shoulder. His conversation reminded me that I was supposed to meet Embry and Quils's in a few minutes.

"I gotta go Paul" I felt his arms tighten a bit more but he released me a second later a frown on his face "I have to go meet Embry and Quil in a few" he nodded, grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward his truck.

"I'll drop you off" I got in the passenger's side and he closed my door before getting in on his own side.

"Are you sure? You don't have too." He smiled at me before starting the truck.

"Is all good Jake, oh damn hold on gotta lock up the house." He took his keys out the ignition and left to lock the door. I sat in the cab left to my thoughts until he came back minutes later. During the drive, Paul started asking basic questions about me like he'd done on the forest path asking things like my favorite food, color, car etc. When he pulled up in front of Quil's I saw Embry turning corner and immediately seeing me get out of Paul's car, eyes wide. Paul and I nodded at each other and Paul sent me a subtle wink before pulling from the curb and heading back the direction we had come.

"You were with Paul?" I snorted at Embry before walking into quil's house wishing the clock would turn to eight and that I could finally get out of La Push for a while.

 


End file.
